I knew very quickly when I had Jess I wasn’t’ like the other mums. They all loved their baby, keen to play, hold and cuddle their squishy ball of human. At one baby class I watched as a mother stared into her babies eyes, smiling and cooing, loving every second of their play. It appeared genuine, it was genuine. I smiled and cooed with Jess, but I wasn’t enjoying it. I put on a show, pretending to be a ‘mother’.
More than once I was asked by excited, gleeful, wide eyed mums if I was ‘enjoying motherhood?’. My response was always a lie, my honest response would have been akin to telling an exited child that no, you’re not going to Disneyland, you’re going to the waltzers down the road. Continue reading “Can a person say they don’t like motherhood?”
I wrote a song for Jess, in no way shape or form is it inspired or a rip off of John Legend’s ‘All of me’ ….okay, it is. Just think yourself lucky I didn’t record me singing it! I recon I’m a good 1000 blogs away from becoming YouTube confident. Can you imagine the amount of bleeps I would need to add to cover my language?! Jesus, no. I’d need an 18 rating!
It’s best you have the tune of ‘All of me’ in your head before you read my ‘song’ – which I’m going to title….mmm, thinking….yup, ‘All of Jess’. Oft, telling you, if I don’t start winning award’s for my strokes of genius soon, well, there’s going to be a global outcry! Continue reading “The Jess Song”
Continuing with the long run up to my big 3-0 celebrations (previous 30 things), I have complied a list of 30 things you will want to teach your toddler immediately.
I may not have won any patenting awards just yet, but listen, toddlers are grade A tormentors and if you want your life to be as easy as possible, then there a few pivotal things you must teach them… Continue reading “30 Things… you will want to teach your toddler immediately.”
Did I ever tell you about that time I fell an absolute belter (Scottish for spectacular)?
I never fall, I have lived my whole life in fear of falling, not because I could injure myself, no, I’m hard as nails me. I live in fear of falling as someone might see me, how mortifying?! I was the kid that hung on for dear life to fences and railings in the winter when Mr Jack Frost had coated the entire place, there was no way I was about to deck it (Scottish for fall) in front of a bunch of people, ruthless teenage kids no less. Watching other dare devil kids walking on the ice and ultimately falling, struggling to regain their posture on the slippy, slidey ice was not a sport I wanted to ever take part in. Sure I laughed along with the other kids, calling the poor ice victim a dafty, mocking them for the rest of the school year, but inside I was secretly thankful the ice monsters got them and not me! I fake laughed to distract the other kids while I increased my iron grip of anything close by, including long grass. My walk to school on the ice was slow, nae, a slow shuffle, think of a geriatric old man, shuffling his way to the bathroom at the speed of an ill snail. That was me. I would not be taken down! Continue reading “My fall from grace…or the curb”
Every now and then, when I have one of my depression roller-coasters, that ultimately end up with me breaking down, crying, frustrated at life, Dave and I always come together. We sit and we talk to each other, trying our best to understand this horrible cloud that has been placed over my head. After the tears, snots and cuddles, my witty humour always comes back out the closet. And the line we always, well I always utter is ‘have kids they said’.
Our life was relatively normal, stress free, non-mental before the birth of Jessica. Still, 2 years down the line we are trying to understand when and what happened to allow my depression to take hold. I have joked on more than one occasion that child birth is ‘traumatic’ and I ‘have post traumatic stress or something’, in fact I’m sure in one of my posts I do say I was traumatized by birth, but in a good way – if there is such a thing. The reason I joke, is that my idea of trauma is enduring a significant, upsetting, fearful, horrendous experience that harms a person, either physically or emotionally, such as rape, robbery, war, assault, experiencing a natural disaster or a car accident. Something that really altered your life, left you in a state of confusion and shock, something that you never want to happen to you again.
That doesn’t include child birth, right?
Continue reading “Birth Trauma”