Rug for sale – may sell Toddler for right price
Shaggy rug for sale!
Get yourself a bargain!!! Fifty quid O.J.F.T.I (Or just f*ing take it!)
Product Description:
Large sized shaggy rug in the colour ‘Natural’. Just over a year old, cost over £100 new from Dunelm doon in Clydebank.
The rug has been significant upgraded over the past year, so you really are getting a belter of a bargain. All customized upgrades are the work of Jess, therefore I am unable to accept liability for any infections and/or injuries you may incur whilst using the product.
New features include:
Coin slots with at least £4 in short change. This equates to approximately 50 odd coins scattered in various places on the rug. Bonus feature – you will ALWAYS be finding new coins thanks to Jessica’s Reoccurring Coinage Technology (patent pending). The more you pick up (via hands or vacuum) the more will appear.
Unlimited Snack age capabilities. Using similar technology to that of the Reoccurring Coinage, Jessica has cleverly infused her new groundbreaking D.I.S.G.U.S.T technology (Dried In Sticky Guffing Ungodly Snacks Today) – (patent pending). Day or night, you can lay your tired hungry head on the rug, face first, to discover a plethora of snacks right on your lips. Specialties include – raisins, dry cereal, cookie crumbs and, Jessica’s personal favourite, toast.
If light snacks are not your thing, don’t fear. With the newly added S.P.E.W (Sick Puked EveryWhere) function, you can enjoy a whole belly worth of soup (only one soup option is currently available – lentil with chunks of carrot). If you prefer a sweet treat, banana milk shake is also available at the other end of the rug.
Callus Removal – yup you read that right! Give yourself a pedicure while you feast on snacks. This game changing technology has been a year in the making, all Jessica’s hard work has finally paid off! Sections of the rug are infused with milk and bodily fluids to such as point that the rug had become hard, rock hard. Providing the perfect skin scraping roughness to give you baby soft feet once again.
So don’t delay, contact me today!! All this could be yours for fifty bucks! That’s right!! Only fifty bucks and you could have a large stinking rug of torture, I mean a large cosy, snack providing rug that will make you the envy of all your friends and family!
Act quick before you miss out on this amazing opportunity!!!!
N.B Offers of rug swaps will be entertained on the condition that the rug you want to give me is brand new and immune to toddlers.
15 Comments
Lisa Ralph, Cries from an unkempt garden
I laughed so hard out loud by myself upon reading this!! Great write!! 😂👍
Honest K
Unless you want to purchase it, I’m not interested in talking 😂 it’s currently rolled up in the middle of the room. If given up trying to clean it, it truly is disgusting.
Lisa Ralph, Cries from an unkempt garden
Hey now you are quite the sales person. That rug has it all it screams buy me😂😳
Becca
Are you taking votes for favorite post? (Raises hand enthusiastically for this one.)
Honest K
No, only offers of cash for a beautiful rug 😂 glad you enjoyed it 😊
The Messy Mommy
😂😂😂😂😂
I have the same freaking rug in Baby Bird’s room. But my dumb butt bought it in WHITE!
What were we thinking?!?
Honest K
Ohhh no! White?!? WHITE!! That is insane! 😂 maybe it will survive a bit better being in her room, I don’t hold out hope for it 😂
The Messy Mommy
It looks and feels HORRIBLE. No amount of cleaning can save this rug 😂😂😂
Erika
This sounds like my couch. Why, oh, why did I buy a new couch right before having a baby?! All the scotchguard in the world won’t protect it.
Honest K
Oh I feel you. We did exactly the same and paid for some form of sofa protection. The kind you can call and they come out and clean it….but yeah, I don’t like calling people sooooo the couch will be for sale next month 😂 not the smartest idea ever. I think the universal flaw here don’t have kids! That’s the only way to have a semi clean house 😆
Erika
Haha! And avoid anything new. I bought a new car a year ago. That thing has been puked in over a dozen times now. fml.
Honest K
Pahaha! I think we might be the same person! I bought a new cat last year vowing never to let Jess eat in it…its basically a portable buffet that is in dire need of a clean!
Esther
Oh God K!!!!!!!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I actually thought you were being serious at the beginning.
Oh… And it seems like if it gets to the right market, you’ll sell the rug for more than a hundred pounds.
Lovely post once again K!
Honest K
Is that you offering? I’d do you a good deal, £150 and I’ll throw in a blanket thats also seen better days 😉
Esther
😂😂😂😂 oh stop it K. You’ll get an offer pretty soon I’m sure… Just not from me. I like Jess a lot, so it isn’t her… I just…can’t 😅