You know you’re an (immature) adult when….
When you get fantastically excited about electrical home goods! The older I get the more I realise, you know what? life is just too full of stress to be dealing with sub par appliances. Sometimes they might be more expensive, but bitches ain’t got the energy to be faffing around anymore.
Judge me all you want, but I am going to say this with great pride:
Dyson has changed my life, forever!
That’s right, I’m not even remotely embarrassed about my excitement. It’s amazing, I just pick it up and get sucky – hey hey, watch it! Get your mind out the gutter! Not on my blog please, I’m a lady!
Lets look at the Dyson facts, eh, before you get all ‘this lassies lost it’ on me.
Number one, it’s sucky. Yup, pretty standard trait in a vacuum you will agree, but the Dyson I have is a hand held thingy-mibob (Scottish for a thing you have temporarily forgot the name of) one. Which obviously means it doesn’t have the power of an up right – I’m pretty sure I’m stealing that line from a vacuum advert. It pulls up various nasty substances from the shaggy rug of disgustingness (the rug is basically Jessica’s play mat and trust me it’s nasty at this point). Day old raisins – check. Pennies – check. Dry cereal – check. Stickers- check.
It’s good to note that while it will do a grand job of sucking up partially cleaned vomit, this is NOT advisable. Jesus on a stick, it’s a bloody terrible idea. You would think I would have learned after the vacuuming of the scrambled egg fiasco.
Fact number 2, no more plugging in or unplugging while you create electrical cord death traps. Bitches be cordless! I’m going to be honest here, I hated getting the ‘hoover’ out (Scottish for vacuum. Hoover is a brand I know, so I’m trying not to use it. Do you know how hard that is?!), unwinding the cord, plugging it in, taking it back out, moving to the next room, plugging it in, winding the cord back up to store it away. Nah, listen, I’m busy, I don’t have time for these Crystal Maze mind games. With Mr Dyson, you just pick it up and get sucky. Of course you need to charge it, but least you don’t have to whip yourself with a thick electrical cord every time it gets trapped under a door.
Fact number 3, you don’t develop lung disease when emptying it. Nope. I used to tie a scarf round my face emptying my old, pffft, pauper of an upright vacuum (add in your own version of a snobby accent while reading that. I used Maggie Smith in Downtown Abbey). It was always over full, completely rammed full of dust and items that one really shouldn’t be vacuuming. You needed military precision to empty it in a bin bag without inhaling months worth of dead skin and dust mites *shudders*. Now, a wee shift of a button and BAMN the dirty is gone – Yeah, that line is diffiently stolen from an advert.
Fact number 4, it’s a nippy wee beast (just like my maw, but in a completely different context). It’s so nimble and flexible (like I once was. Well, still am after a few wines I guess. Noooo, not like that. My party trick is putting both legs behind my head and smacking my own butt. You can judge me for that one). No more wrestling with the vacuum while cleaning the stairs or fighting with the cord that is always just one stair too short. Dyson has your back. That little bad boy fits in all the nooks and grooves. Ohhhh so satisfying. Plus you don’t need to make the stairs a bloody Facebook event that requires psyching yourself up for. You just get on with it, sook sooking as you go.
I just wrote a post about a Dyson. What’s happened to me? I actually took the time to not only think about a f*ing vacuum but to come up with 4 facts?! You know what, I could go on. I bloody love it. Once you go cordless, you never go back.
I don’t even think this does my emotions justice, I would marry it if I could – I bet Dave would too, but for different reasons….
17 Comments
Lisa Ralph, Cries from an unkempt garden
Nice caption I love my small D. You would never play on words now would ya. Or is that me? Lol. You always crack me up, thank you! Hey I love gadets too. My love is my George Foreman. Love me some George!! 🌞✌
Honest K
Haha! Noooo! I’d say my D is average size actually, there are larger ones but who wants to be pulling that…up and down the stair 🤣 glad I gave you a laugh 😊 George Foreman requires effort, much more effort than a fast food app 😄🖒
Lisa Ralph, Cries from an unkempt garden
George is my friend. As soon as he is worn out, I replace him. He treats me well rods the fats my lack of gallbladder can’t expel. We are like homies him and I. ✌😄
Honest K
Haha!! 😂😂 good for you! We all need a man to shake the fat out us sometimes 😂
Erika
This made me laugh so hard. 😄
Honest K
Hehe! Glad it made you laugh 😊 but don’t bother me again, I’m busy on dancing with my D 😅
mahbuttitches
Hahahahahaha!!! I’m jealous!!! I want a dyson. Actually, I’m lying. I want someone to do it all for me. 🤣🤣
Honest K
You’re right! Someone doing it for us would be much better! But hey, I’ll settle for the Dyson 😂 although I wouldn’t be having any other woman’s (or mans) hands on my precious D! He’s mine!!
A Simple Village Undertaker
Funny story. The only thing missing is that you don’t have a cigarette as you cuddle.
Honest K
Never smoke in bed! What a fire hazard! 😆
Stuart
Get in aboot it with the sucky Kirstydoll.I broke my dyson ages ago and miss it (When I say i,and broke,I actually mean Chunk chewed the bejesus out of it mid tantrum and I cant afford to replace it) Keep up the honest opinions.
Honest K
Yeah yeah, that’s the reason it broke 😅
thesecretblogofa30yearold
OH NO FUCKNG GOD!!! I literally Just Posted how much I love my new dyson and came to the dyson tag to read what other people have written…and found this!! Were we separated a birth?!?! Xx
Honest K
Haha! Nooooo! There can’t be two sad cows on the planet 😂😂 too funny! Dyson soul mates! Xx
thesecretblogofa30yearold
This has bonded us forever I hope u know that 😂 I LOVED that photo! It’s just what I would of done lol xxxx
Honest K
😂 yus! I can’t believe I put that pic online, but I thought I owed it to my Dyson. It’s the least I could do for it xx
thesecretblogofa30yearold
Haha it cracked me up! I regularly cuddle mine! Xxxx