I’m especially knackered as I had a bit of a mental explosion last night due to being so knackered. Knackered from life, knackered from trying my best, to be the mum I see on social media, knackered trying to run a house and work full time, knackered from trying to explain my emotions, knackered watching my partner take the brunt of my mental issues, knackered seeing his eye’s sadden after I reveal that I am not OK, knackered from trying to sort my mental health. I’m knackered being knackered.
The knackered knocked me in the knackers last night and I erupted. I cried my eyes out while I tried to drown out Jessica’s ‘mummy’ pleas from her bed. I sat next to the spinning washing machine and questioned my sanity, my ability to mum, my choice in life and if it was acceptable to down a bottle of wine. Everyone else is knackered, why do I struggle? I told myself other people feel like this too. It didn’t help. I’m knackered from keeping it all in, trying to be ‘better’. I let it out.
So now I am deflated and knackered. My eyes are swollen due to my late night sobbing, my face feels knackered. It’s like waking from a midday nap, you are a bit groggy and tired, counting down the hours until bed. There is no amount of caffeine that can shake off this knackeredness.